Going good so far

So, last week, I was reading The Craft of the Warrior and got through the chapter on habits, beliefs, and truth and the chapter on Self-Importance. The thing is, I'm 51, very overweight (I hate the phrase morbidly obese -- sounds way too...morbid), starting to feel that if I don't stop gaining and start getting healthier, something irreversible is going to happen.

For the last couple of years, I've made some great progress in other areas of my life, my confidence and my opportunities are increasing, but my weight and my eating habits and self-beliefs are almost as old as me, and they're really starting to undermine my new life. I know that special diets would reduce the weight itself, but if my habits and beliefs don't change, the weight will just come back. And big fluctuations in weight is worse than just staying heavy.

Since I read those chapters last week, I haven't been to a restaurant. Well, since last Friday, I think. It's been either restaurants or snacks -- I was rarely eating my main meals at home. I didn't even leave the house Saturday or Sunday (very unusual), but I did succumb Saturday night to a box of brownie mix I found on the top shelf of the cupboard. But Sunday, I didn't eat anything that was overtly unhealthy, and what I did eat, I did not eat mindlessly.

Being consciously aware of myself takes an amazing amount of time and energy. But I do have to say, that since I did not eat a huge amount of fat, salt, or sugar yesterday, I woke up this morning feeling...lighter. Yay!!

It's a game between two aspects of myself -- the part of me that has learned to eat snack foods to both deal with stress and anxiety, hurt and anger, and to celebrate good times, too; and the part of me that wants to not be so uncomfortable all the time, to sleep better, think better, do all the things I now want to do, and to just have more energy, period.

I was amazed and surprised at how creative the first self was this last weekend, trying all sorts of arguments and dire warnings to get myself to give in (like I had been doing so easily before). But this time, I was able to withstand the tide of urgings and temptations, because I was conscious of what was happening.

I've been working on myself all my life, and most intensely this past year. I'm proud of myself for sticking with it, getting up every time I've fallen back, and the Universe has been more than willing to help me by presenting me with the resources I needed when I needed them. A couple of people have been critical in their support of me, but what's really amazing is that, all of a sudden, I'll have the urge to go to Goodwill and look at the books. What I need to read right then is right there. The Craft of the Warrior, obviously, and also The Hero Within, have been two of the most influential and helpful.